Is Your Name Really Yours?

That may seem a silly question and most people would answer, without thinking, “Well, of course it is.” But I ask you, is it? Actually consider the question because my intent is to describe to you how your name, while a label you wear, isn’t yours to control, but it IS yours to affect. What name others call you by may be more about how they perceive you and feel about you than what it says on your birth certificate or name tag. It may include your rank or a nickname. Let me explain what I mean.

Using my own name as the example, I grew up being referred to primarily by a nickname, that of “Buddy.” Through elementary school I went by Francis, but that was changed when I hit junior high school (what it was before it changed to middle school) and I became Frank. None of those names… Buddy, Francis, Frank had anything to do with how people perceived me. They were simply my name. Children don’t really have much of an opportunity to control how people perceive them in the realm of what people call them.

Through high school I was still called Frank, but a few folks simply referred to me by my last name. Then came the Army and Basic Training. All of a sudden, as far as the Drill Sergeants were concerned, my name was “Private.” To my fellow trainees I was just Borelli. Then the movie “Stripes” came out and Francis became synonymous with “Psycho.” (Remember that character?) Suddenly I was Private, Borelli and Psycho. That wasn’t anything I tried to do or control. It was more about how others perceived me.

At one point on the street I was nicknamed RoboCop, although I never quite understood why. My point is that what people call you often doesn’t have anything to do with your name. It has to do with how they perceive you; your behaviors toward them. This is never more blatantly obvious than when someone you’re arresting decides to call you a few choice names. For sure, none of them are your name. All of them are about how the arrestee feels and how they perceive you in that moment of their frustration or anger.

Keeping that in mind, it becomes clear that we should all want the perceptions of others to be as positive about us as we can manage. We need to present ourselves in a way that leads people to perceive us, and refer to us, in the way we find not insulting. Have you ever noticed that what you find insulting is anything that labels you as something you don’t like or want? You certainly can’t control what everyone thinks, but your behavior and how you deal with people can lead them in the direction you’d prefer.

In general, we can all identify those characteristics we want people to identify us with: professional, courteous, helpful, caring are on the list. Every time we deal with a member of the public, they are dealing with us too, right? Just as we evaluate them and come to judgements on what type of person they are, they do the same in return. Are they perceiving us purely as “Officer Lawdog?” Or are they perceiving us as that courteous and professional Officer Lawdog that acts toward them with care and speaks to them with concern?

When you think about it, presented that way, the name you get called by isn’t just about what’s on your name tag, as was said at the beginning. Whether people say “Officer Lawdog” with a sneer and a tone of disrespect, or perhaps cold respect, or they say your name with a sense of appreciation is entirely up to you. The thing to remember is that our name isn’t just the label we wear; it’s also how people perceive us and can indicate what they think of us, both as a person and as a law enforcement professional.

So… what’s your name?