On February 27, 2016 Officer Ashley Guindon, with Prince William County Police Department in Virginia, was shot and killed while responding to a domestic disturbance. The male subject at the home murdered his wife and then opened fire on the officers with a rifle as they approached the home. Officer Guindon was killed and two other officers, including her training officer, were wounded.
Three days later, Police Officer David Hofer (Euless Police Department, Texas) was shot and killed after he and his partner responded to a report of suspicious activity at a park in the middle of the afternoon. As he and his partner approached the park they were fired upon by a subject. Officer Hofer was shot and mortally wounded. His partner was able to return fire, killing the man.
Now imagine, you were one of the surviving officers in either of the above scenarios. You would probably relive those horrific moments over and over in your head. You can probably recall minute details in slow motion, but can’t remember chunks of what happened. You reacted immediately to the threat, you returned fire, you shot the suspect, he fell. Next, you remember your surroundings; scan the area and see your partner down, unresponsive, with wounds to the head and chest. You radio for help; and frantically try to stop the bleeding, but you can’t. There is too much. You screamed for help, you cry out in pain, you curse. You check for a pulse, there is none, and you start CPR. Finally, assistance arrives, then you draw a blank, you search your memory…… You were also shot, but are oblivious to your own wounds. You are operating on pure adrenaline.
When your brain kicks back in, your mind immediately floods with questions: If I had been if front of him things would have been different? I would have saw him hiding, I would have seen him reaching for the gun. Why didn’t I demand a SWAT response? I knew this call didn’t seem right, I should have staged differently. Why didn’t I survey the area more diligently? Why didn’t I request backup, it seemed hinkey from the get go? How come I can’t stop this bleeding? Why was it him who got killed? He has young kids. Why her? This was her first day on the job, she had her life in front of her. Why? Why? Why? This is my fault. It should have been me!
And then the crash comes. It is larger than life, dark, lonely, and consuming…and it lasts for a very long time.
Survivor Guilt
Survivor guilt is a normal reaction to surviving a life-threatening trauma, when someone else did not. However, the degree to which feelings of guilt affect an individual is not universal, many factors come into play as the survivor attempts to cope with the loss of another at the same time they celebrate their own survival.
Survivor’s guilt is also a symptom of post-traumatic stress. This type of guilt refers to an overwhelming feeling by the survivor that he or she should have done more to help the victim; or could have taken action to avoid the incident altogether. Yet, there is also a true sense of gratitude that the survivor had made it through with their life or without serious injury; “I’m glad it wasn’t me.” These conflicting feelings can become all-consuming and incredibly destructive to any officer.
It’s also important to understand that survivor’s guilt can occur even for those who were not present during the event. The supervisor who was at dinner, the beat partner at the station buried in paper, the officer who had called in sick, the dispatcher who believes she should have sensed more units were needed, etc. In fact, survivor’s guilt can be experienced by anyone feeling a sense of responsibility or who might be haunted by that nagging question, “Why them and not me?”
The range of emotions survivors’ experience include regret, loss, self-blame, grief and incessant second-guessing. This is frequently compounded by the unrelenting opinions and judgements from command, other officers, family members, friends, as well as the media. Police departments can be incredibly supportive and incredibly critical. For many survivors, peer criticism can be the most damaging aspect of a traumatic incident.
This constant inner anguish can eventually evoke havoc on a survivor’s ability to function personally and professionally. Feeling guilt after the experience of a traumatic event has been linked to a number of negative consequences. Survivors can experience feelings of overwhelming depression, rage, shame, social anxiety, low self-esteem, and thoughts of suicide. Individuals may withdraw and/or exhibit self-destructive behavior. Additionally, some survivors report that they feel guilty participating in previous enjoyable events; eating, exercising, experiencing intimacy, attending parties, participating in holiday events, or having fun at any event following the death. Given the potential negative consequences of trauma-related guilt, it is important that any trauma-related guilt be referred for PTSD treatment.
Coping with Survivor Guilt
If you are a victim of survival guilt it is essential to remember that, rational or irrational, survivor guilt is normal. It is the result of a traumatic incident, one in which you did not have total control over, and it is an integral part of the grieving process. Here are some things to keep in mind.
- It is important to share your story with someone you trust and who will actually hear you rather than judge you.
- Take the time you need to mourn. Attend a religious or community ceremony or plan your own way to remember the fallen officer.
- Seek out other people for support and stay connected with them; face -to-face contact is best, but the phone and emails can also be helpful. Therapists, chaplains, and support groups can also be extremely beneficial.
- Take care of yourself; fresh air, exercise, family activities, healthy foods can make you feel empowered.
- Try to get back into your routine as soon as you can; turning negative feelings into positive action is extremely therapeutic: make a contribution, hold a fundraiser, give blood or participate in any volunteer action that makes you feel like you are serving the greater good.
- Avoid isolation, binge eating, excessive alcohol use, and unnecessary risk or thrill seeking. These activities will only increase feelings of depression, anxiety, hopelessness and helplessness in the long run.
It is important to understand that if survivor guilt doesn’t begin to resolve naturally over time (typically several weeks to six months), or it becomes overwhelming, obsessive or includes intrusive thoughts, it is important to get additional help
Helping a Fellow Officer
The most important thing you can do is to reach out to a fellow officer experiencing survivor guilt; they will need to talk at their pace, take their lead. Be prepared to hear what they have to say without negating their feelings. And those feelings need to be validated. Understand that they are chastising themselves severely; further criticism is not only counter-productive, it is harmful. If you cannot withhold judgement find someone who can. Your role is to be an advocate for the officer inside and outside the department. Help the officer with whatever he/she may need; ask them, do not assume you know what is best. Encourage healthy coping skills; discourage isolation. When the dust settles, the trauma will remain. Keep in contact with the officer for the long run. Often, the real depression and isolation sets in after the attention dissipates and others mistakenly assume the officer is grieving appropriately.
Survivor Guilt versus Culpable Death.
Unfortunately, mistakes, even fatal ones happen. One tragic example within law enforcement is a friendly fire line-of-duty death. On March 13th, 2016 Officer Jacai Colson (Prince George's County Police Department, Maryland) was killed while responding to a call of shots fired at his police station. Three men had ambushed the station and a gun battle ensued. An autopsy confirmed that Colson was inadvertently shot by a fellow responding officer. Culpable guilt refers only to the objective facts of causation, not to intent.
Obviously, all of the above cited incidents could lead to feelings of guilt, regret and remorse. However, treating the survivors of these events is quite different. While survivor’s guilt is best dealt with by normalizing the emotion as an expected part of the grieving process, culpable guilt is best handled by encouraging those at fault to move toward self-forgiveness over time.
National Police Week 2016: May 15 -21, Washington D.C.
Carved on the blue-gray walls of the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial are the names of more than 20,000 officers who have been killed in the line of duty throughout US history. Each year the list grows. There were 124 law enforcement fatalities (LODD) nationwide in 2015; these officers’ names will be added to and memorialized on that wall this year. For each of these losses, countless survivors will be left alone and broken. Many of these survivors have also experienced or still suffer with survivor guilt. If you are a survivor, and you can attend, I highly suggest that you do. The support offered at these events is not only overwhelming, it is extremely healing.
For those of you who have never visited the Concerns of Police Survivors (C.O.P.S.) web page to learn more about resources, support, training for law enforcement survivors, I encourage you to do this now. http://www.nationalcops.org/aboutnpw.html. In 2015, C.O.P.S. served 2,843 survivors at National Police Week.
Pamela Kulbarsh
Pamela Kulbarsh, RN, BSW has been a psychiatric nurse for over 25 years. She has worked with law enforcement in crisis intervention for the past ten years. She has worked in patrol with officers and deputies as a member of San Diego's Psychiatric Emergency Response Team (PERT) and at the Pima County Detention Center in Tucson. Pam has been a frequent guest speaker related to psychiatric emergencies and has published articles in both law enforcement and nursing magazines.
