Any job dealing with the public incorporates a myriad of feelings; law enforcement in particular. Most citizens don't call the police when they are having a good day. People don't like to be pulled over or stopped on the street. Contacts with next-next-of-kin hardly ever result in a hearty handshake and a thank you. Dealing with the worst society has to offer is in the job description.
These encounters often leave first responders with a head and heart full of emotions. Officers are trained and become very good at masking these while dealing with an emergency. Unfortunately, this doesn't mean the feelings aren't there or that they will just go away once the scene is cleared. The emotions get back in the patrol car with the officer and they follow him or her home. Not having healthy coping techniques for addressing and resolving residual feelings causes chaos in many law enforcement families. One of the most destructive is anger.
An Adaptive Response
Anger is an emotional state resulting from external or internal events. It is an adaptive response producing physiological and biological changes. Blood pressure and heart rates rise, as do adrenaline and energy. The human body produces physical anger reactions to ensure survival. The problem with anger is when the reaction is not dealt with and the emotion turns into action-aggression.
There are many conscious and unconscious ways to manage anger. According to the American Psychological Association (APA) three common ways are expressing, suppressing and calming. Expressing anger, especially when the feeling is a result of an incident at work, is the healthiest way to diffuse it and encourages open communication between spouses. It is all right to be angry. It is not all right to behave in an aggressive manner towards a loved one.
Usually, family members of law enforcement are not the instigator of the event creating the feeling of anger, but often, significant others and children bear the brunt of frustrated behavior created by it. Expressing anger means saying what the needs are and how they can be met. If an officer needs some alone time to think through an event, let him. If he needs to talk through the incident, be receptive and non-judgmental. Encourage communication but do not force it. Be honest about whether or not you can meet their needs. This works equally well with family situations that create anger for either person.
Too often, officers suppress their anger, turning it inward without converting it to constructive behavior. This can create an atmosphere that discourages emotional communication and can create a personality of cynicism and hostility. Unfortunately, officers are trained both formally and informally to stuff their feelings, including anger. Sometimes this results in aggressive behavior when an officer is faced with a physical situation and can create a use-of-force issue if their response is fueled by years of suppressed anger. Suppressing can be done in a healthy way, if this management technique is used to prevent aggressive behavior created by anger. Keep your temper without quashing the feelings. Being aware of your actual amount of "control" in a situation can help with this. As a police telecommunications operator, I experienced many incidents that created anger. Being a classic Type-A personality, I would rant and rave, toss papers around and generally be very unpleasant. A good friend of mine would ask me, Is there anything you can do about it now? When my response would be no, he would simply state, Then shut-up. It was blunt but effective. His statement reminded me I couldn't control many things and getting angry about them wouldn't change that.
The third management technique is calming. This includes the control of internal responses, as well as, outward behavior. Again, this usually begins with the realization of the feelings underneath the anger and acceptance of the situation. Allow the feeling of anger to subside. Try to control your breathing. Take a moment to relax.
What Lies Beneath?
Anger is a secondary emotion. Another emotion always precedes it. Experts recognize seven common feelings resulting in anger. Each of these can be related to the police experience.
Fear
No matter what anyone says or how exhilarating it might feel, walking down a dark alley searching for a person with a gun or being in pursuit creates fear. Officers are trained to continue despite the fear and often at the end of the event he or she is left feeling anger, many times, towards the person who created the situation.
Hurt
Emotional distress can be hard to quantify, but every person knows when they feel hurt. A snide comment during briefing or indifference from a person you tried to help can create hurt. The perceived blow to an officer's ego can turn the hurt into anger.
Guilt
What happens when an officer just can't save someone? This happens when an innocent person doesn't make it, and can be especially huge at the loss of a colleague. This emotion is created by all the what-ifs running through a person's mind after an event. Often, guilt is transformed into anger with questions of why the situation had to happen or why that person put you through it.
Emptiness
At some point during many officers career, they hit a brick wall. They just don't want to do police work anymore. The excitement they felt when they first hit the streets doesn't exist anymore. Many become disillusioned with the criminal justice system. Whatever the reason, law enforcement work is no longer fulfilling. If the reason why work no longer excites an officer is apparent, he or she may feel anger towards that person or institution. If no reason presents itself, a general feeling of anger may exist.
The last three underlying emotions are grief, unworthiness and helplessness. Each of these can affect officers as well create anger. This anger, if not addressed properly, usually ends up at home and causes significant problems with loved ones. Pin-pointing and addressing the underlying feeling helps diffuse the anger encouraging physical and relational health.
The APA offers numerous suggestions for how to deal with anger in a healthy manner. Many can be done as a family, such as better communication, dispelling energy and relaxation. Law enforcement work provides a plethora of situations that create underlying feelings resulting in anger. Anger can be a healthy emotion if managed correctly. When it is not, especially if it is stuffed and causes aggressive behavior, the officer's home life and relationships can be ruined.
It is all right to allow your officer to be angry. It is not all right for him or her to behave aggressively. Recognizing police work creates many negative emotions and dealing with them as they appear can create stronger police families. Seeking counseling, if needed is encouraged. Most of us were not trained to know what to do with uncomfortable emotions. This doesn't mean we can't learn.
Michelle Perin
Michelle Perin has been a freelance writer since 2000. In December 2010, she earned her Master’s degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Indiana State University.
