5 Tips on How to Make a Difference With Kids

When you pinned on your badge, whether it was 4 minutes ago or 40 years ago, you probably had no idea you would also gain the label: counselor, social worker, crisis intervention specialist and surrogate parent. Although newer generations of officers are indoctrinated into this part of police work earlier because it has become more common, most of the emphasis in the academy is on law enforcement. Rightly so. Unfortunately, as resources and funding become more scarce officers are expected to do more of the preserving the social peace than ever before. Parents who have out-of-control 7 year olds are calling 911. 16 year olds who need help out of abusive relationships, both parental and partner are reaching out to their SROs for help. Social workers, foster parents, teachers and mental health workers all need assistance and the last line of defense has become officers. It’s become part of your job because no one else can or will do it. And, it can’t be ignored. These children are often violent, suicidal and/or self-harming and having true psychological problems. Parents are often frazzled, unable to cope due to their own issues and cannot or will not seek help or they face obstacle after obstacle from a failing system. The problem of dealing with non-emergency, but crisis level behaviors will continue to be something that officers have to do. Here are a few pointers on how to be the best crisis worker you can.

Offer Suggestions and Support

Even though it can be frustrating when you go out to a house and it’s apparent that if the parent would have started parenting 10 years ago they would not be having this defiant/oppositional issue now, judging the past is not going to solve the problem right in front of you. Often these parents are doing the best they can with what they have been taught. Many would parent in more healthy, positive ways if they just knew how. This makes it a great time to help them learn. If the scene is safe, take some time to listen to the parent/guardian and if appropriate offer them ways to establish parental control and safety. Then allow them to do so. It’s like the Chinese proverb, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” Granted you don’t have time to give a course on Parenting 101, but you can listen, support and empower that parent right then with that child. Often when the child sees this occur, it is not an authority figure coming in to handle them, but an authority figure coming in as a partner to their parent, also an authority figure. It can change the child’s perception of their parent’s ability to be in charge and often this is the first step to changing a situation.

Talk to the Child

In doing crisis intervention work, I often begin by talking to the parent and then ask to speak to the child. Especially with teenagers, like their parent they want to be heard and have their feelings validated. This is a great way to establish rapport. But, again, being a partner with the parent when appropriate, you can help the child respect and feel safe with their parent in charge. If the parent is not safe, you can often learn what is going on from the child and make safety determinations from that. How often do we hear about situations where an abuser lives in a household and the abuser’s partner refuses to acknowledge the abuse? We need to be able to see through some juvenile behaviors to understand and ask if something is amiss. Maybe the child is not just being belligerent. Maybe they are crying for help.

Know Your Community Resources

Many times, families just don’t know where to turn for help. They know their issue is not truly a law enforcement problem but they don’t know what else to do. Many non-profit social service agencies have resource guides. Get one. If their available, keep brochures for common services, such as mental health counseling, parent support groups and crisis programs. Being able to refer a family directly to a needed resource could save you a lot of time and solve a number of problems in the future.

Understand Systemic Limitations but Avoid Apathy

So many of our social systems are failing. Funding is being cut. Turn-over and burnout are rampant. Even new legislation is making it harder to find and keep good people who want to work in what is often overwhelming, unstructured, under-paid, heartbreaking work. Programs that should be in place to help juveniles are just not there or they are understaffed and unavailable. It’s easy to get apathetic about this, but it is important that we do not. You might have to tell a family that you are sorry there is not a crisis placement available at that time, but you also have the opportunity to document when resources fail and be part of solutions such as being involved in partnership committees. The deficiencies in the child welfare/social services realm really do affect your work in law enforcement. Due to this, it’s important to be a voice for these children and demand we continue to look for systemic solutions that work and are funded adequately.

Never Stop Caring

This is the most important and often the hardest part of being thrown into crisis intervention work. You can do your best and for a variety of reasons things fail. You go back to the same house ten dozen times. You watch a child remain in a harmful, neglectful situation. You see a parent try everything they can to get the help they need and face barrier after barrier. Regardless, try to stay true to your purpose. We go into this work because we want to make a difference. We want to help people. We can hold on to that, but sometimes we have to bring that lens in smaller and just say, “I’m making a difference right now. I’m helping this one person in this moment.” Just keep caring about the work you’re doing and leave the rest up to the Universe. 

Web Links:

• The Writing Hand
• Seattle Police West Side Story Project
• The If Project