On August 16th, I married my LEO partner. It was a beautiful ceremony. I wore a traditional white, strapless gown with a long train and little embroidered flowers. I altered the back, removing the zipper and sewing in eyelets for a corset where I threaded in a royal blue ribbon, a thin blue line. Although I felt stunning and princess-like in my gown with my flowing white veil with some peak-a-boo red, my partner stole the show. He wore his full dress uniform; his arm covered in hashmarks and his chest displaying the medals of his honorable background. Around his waist were the tools of his trade shined to a deep black. At the great reveal, when I got to turn and face him for the first time, he took my breath away. This was a man who had dedicated his life to his community, first as a US Marine, then for the last 18 years as a patrol officer. I nearly wept realizing he was there, standing in front of me, promising me his undying dedication and love forever. I’ve never been so humbled, nor so proud.
After our incredible ceremony, complete with a guest list that could fulfill emergency services for a small town, including dispatchers and medics, we spent some time in a house on the river. But, like Cinderella, our fairy tale came to an end when he boarded a plane back to Arizona and I drove home to my place in Western Oregon. We have some things to finish before I can head to the southwest to be with him next Summer. So, why get married when we are still 2000 miles away from each other? A lot of people wondered why we made this choice and really it was quite simple-if something were to happen to him, we needed to be legally married for me to receive benefits. This would be only one of the times the reality of his occupation settled over me during this otherwise magical time for us.
Protest at a Wedding
Just before our big day, I saw a news story that upset me to the core. A Sacramento police officer’s big day, one that should have been one of the most beautiful and happiest in his life, was interrupted by protesters. The officer had been involved in a fatal shooting and protesters, affiliated with Black Lives Matter were there to make sure he did remember this day for the rest of his life, but not in a good way. I was ill as I thought of my partner’s and my outdoor ceremony. Even though it was going to be located in what I thought was a safe place— the rose garden, part of a large tree-lined city park my parents had played in, I had played in and my children had played in—I suddenly worried about him standing there in uniform. I wasn’t so much concerned about an interruption; I already told some co-workers of mine my plan to go all Ninja Bridezilla if that happened. I now worried about his safety. During our ceremony, I knew his attention would be focused completely on me. Both of us would have virtually zero situational awareness, particularly during our vows. What if someone chose that moment to ambush the man I loved purely due to the uniform he wore? I tried hard not to think about this as we finished the last of our planning and moved towards that moment. Thankfully, we had no issues but the anxiety that came with those thoughts has remained with me.
Notification
I’m pretty sure there’s few other occupations in the world where a new groom looks at his wife and asks, “If something happens to me, who do you want coming to notify you?” Granted, most LEO partners live in close proximity and would be notified by a member of the officer’s department. With our unique situation, that’s not going to happen. So, if the unthinkable happens before I return to the desert, we need to have a plan in place. My partner did not want something so tragic and important to be left to chance. I had to think about it and we had to talk about it. After some careful consideration, I decided that my best friend, a 911 Dispatcher for my partner’s agency should be the one notified. I’m pretty sure she would know already being a veteran dispatcher and on the city’s CISM team, but just in case. As my town doesn’t have its own police department, but contracts with the county, I wanted her to notify officers in the next town over and have them gather a very supportive, long-term friend of mine who lives there, and then come and tell me. A secondary purpose behind this was if for some reason a deputy comes to my house I won’t have a panic attack. If an officer from the town over shows up, I will know what it’s about and be able to steel myself.
What uplifting and positive things to be thinking about in the aftermath of one of the happiest days of my life, right? Well, it’s life. It’s police life. It’s the life that comes with loving a man who protects and serves. Even if he are more than the job, which most of them are, the job permeates everything. It colors the way he exists in the world. It colors our life together. I’m not new to having an LEO partner, but saying, “I do” to one has opened up a whole new dimension. I’m glad I have such an honorable, handsome, brave man to face it with.
Michelle Perin
Michelle Perin has been a freelance writer since 2000. In December 2010, she earned her Master’s degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Indiana State University.
