As usual the topic of my Officer.com article started as a debate between the Editor and myself. I wanted to write a gloriously detailed article about the adventures of using a female urine funnel so I too could live the dream of peeing behind a dumpster like my male counterparts. The editor was not fond of that idea so a verbal battle ensued. As in all battles, there is a winner and a loser, so… I am sad to say this article will NOT be about the gateway to the dream dumpster using the funnel of freedom (I.E. peeing like a dude behind the dumpster). While sulking in the agony of defeat, I found inspiration. I realized that even though I had lost this verbal battle, I had survived 8 years so far as a street cop due to my ability to use what is commonly called “Verbal Judo”.
We all know that ONE Officer on shift that can somehow piss off a brick wall; that one Officer that can get you complained on by a goat; the one you are constantly tugging on their arm and mumbling under your breath “Would you please shut the hell up!” If you are that Officer we all love you but we still want to punch you. That being said, if we are really being honest, we ALL know how to make suspects MORE pissed off than when you started the contact. Some days you go into work with your verbal skills down; not ready to talk to anyone, let alone talk someone out of an ugly situation. Many Officers may be able to get away with it; some through stern looks, some through intimidation and body size, and others through brute force when necessary. I, on the other hand, do not have the opportunity to go to work without my verbal skills finely tuned.
Every night when I go to work, I know there is always a chance that I will encounter a suspect that is bigger than me. To be fair, every time I go anywhere other than, say, maybe daycares and preschools or any other place toddlers gather, there is a chance I will encounter someone bigger than me. Seeing as I am 5 feet 3 inches tall and weigh 113 pounds, most people I work with are bigger. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve given plenty of stern looks and surprisingly I intimidate a lot of people. I even have had to resort to brute force fairly often due to the decisions my customers on the night shift choose to make. However, the one skill that has kept me alive and (for the most part) out of the Chief’s office during my career, is my ability to talk.
I think back to an incident when I was in training. I was just learning how to handle suspects and use my verbal skills when I met one of the loveliest customers I have ever had the opportunity to meet. She was intoxicated and had assaulted a taxi driver. As I walked up to contact her she zeroed in on me and quickly determined I was a rookie. She ran over me verbally for about five minutes while my chuckling trainer looked on. I tried to talk and reason with her but I got nowhere. Eventually I had enough of her running me over and told her so in a not so tactful manner. A few seconds later me, the suspect, and my trainer were on the ground having a very different “conversation” about her going into handcuffs. From that point I challenged myself to get better at talking my way out of problem situations or even better talking suspects into handcuffs (my editor calls this “convincing them they’re getting a free vacation in the Bahamas while really telling them to go to hell). I realized not every situation or suspect could be handled verbally but I also realized I did not want to fight every time I had to arrest someone.
Fast forward a few years. I’ve had many an opportunity to improve my skills through practice and training. Gone are the days of telling someone “calm down” or “just relax.” By the way, those two statements don’t work very well. Now I actually listen to what they are saying. Hey I don’t want to listen to the nonsensical ramblings of a drug diminished escort lady (aka: crack hoe) or a power hungry carrier minded guy (aka: gorilla pimp) either but it works. I am now able to communicate and respond the customers in a way that has proven less likely to escalate the incident.
My point is this: Learn to communicate; practice verbal skills; try to win without force. Never forget how to skillfully use force but leave it in the bag if you can. Whether it is my hammier-fisted coworkers or the most diminutive officer, we can all learn to communicate better.
Kayla Walker | Fitness Contributor
KP is a veteran police officer, mom, wife and fitness competitor. Having faced the challenges of being a small (5'-3") woman on the street and all the negativity that faced her as she entered the fitness competition realm, KP started an online community via Facebook (facebook.com/fitcops) and Twitter (@fitcops) and Instagram (@fitcops and @kpatfitcops) to support fitness oriented officers. That online community has grown and she's started a third career as a writer to help share the fitness message and to focus on challenges that face female police officers in today's world.
